Learn Me, Love Me
by Kenseikan
Summary: To know your captain is one thing, but to understand him is another. And Matsumoto didn't understand him one bit. But when brought together emotionally by the bitterness of love, the two start to find maybe, they were looking in the wrong directions. But love was never an easy matter for both of them.
1. Chapter 1

Learn Me, Love Me.

**by: Kenseikan**

-:-

**Chapter One.**

Matsumoto laid on the couch in idle as she watched the day pass by beautifully. The sun was shining late that afternoon, her workload had lessened (with the help of a certain aggravated captain) and she had plans to see her friends later at the bar. All in all, it was an easygoing day for her. It was sure good to have a nice view of the beautiful garden from her office window. _At least this office does some good,_ she smiled inwardly. Her captain had left to some captains' meeting and wouldn't be back for a while, meaning the sneaky woman had the office to herself. If she were bothered enough, she would've thrown a secret party with Renji and the crew, but somehow, all she wanted was to relax. Pushing the thoughts away, Matsumoto closed her eyes as she allowed the sun's reflections to dance on her skin.

It was a day like this that the thought of Ichimaru Gin and his recent betrayal hadn't swarm her mind. And it was nice to finally be able tosmile a little.

Then, her thoughts directed to her captain. Why couldn't he ever relax like how she did? The guy should cut himself some slack after working overtime almost _every night_. Then again, he must be in the process of healing over what condition Aizen had put Hinamori in. She'd once offered her help; as a result he had simply dismissed her and said he would be fine working alone. He probably sensed the woman's crying in the night; her eye bags weren't very convincing when lying. Truth was, she'd rather fight three packs of Hollows than stay in, but looking at her young captain bust his ass off every other night to get a few stacks of _her_ paperwork done simply didn't scream 'fine' to her. She cared for the guy, but it didn't seem like he wanted her to.

Truth be told, Matsumoto didn't actually _know_ her captain that well, now that she came to think of it. She _knew _him, but she didn't...understand him. Yes, that's the word. She didn't understand his intentions, and what he was thinking or what he thought of things. Sure, he liked watermelons and he hated the sun, but that was a rather humiliating amount of knowledge given their reasonable amount of years as partners. She knew he hated her hugs, and disliked her slacking off. She knew he hated people calling him anything other than Hitsugaya (which also sparked an idea for a drinking game Ikkaku had cleverly thought of) and she knew he liked to eat sweet amanattō.

Aside that, she knew nothing personal of him. They've co-operated in handling the Tenth Division together for a while now, and one would assume that they were close - that, they were in terms of working, but not in a personal scale. He rarely ever changed his icy demeanor around her, and that annoyed Matsumoto at times.

There were times where she'd really want to get to know her captain, but luck wasn't ever on her side to give her a chance to. Thinking back, she found it strange how so many years ago people had been treating the young boy with disrespect, dare not look him in the eye. To have a mere boy possess such great and fierce powers... she admired him. From afar, at first. After the incident in the candy store, it took no effort to find the boy. He leaked his reiatsu like a broken tap, she found herself spectating the boy for a few hours that night before finally approaching him.

That night she perched on his rooftop, without a need to trace his reiatsu, he had laid there trying to sleep but instead causing his grandmother to shiver greatly with the vast amount of reiatsu blasting out. That evening onwards, she knew the boy would someday become a successful shinigami, at captain-level with much training, perhaps. She just had to tell him to enroll into the Academy to control it. It was a simple must. But what she didn't know was that he would become a prodigy and blast his way through the Academy's course in no time, then miraculously joining _her_ division, then eventually becoming _her_ captain. Matsumoto smiled at the irony.

A voice called out from behind, awakening Matsumoto from her muse.

"Yo. Enjoying your time away from the captain?"

Matsumoto peeped open an eye, then turning around to the door. It was Renji. "Oh, hello Renji! I guess I am. Now what brings you here? Are you here for pre-drinks? There's still a bit of sun, it's too early!"

"No no, we'll save that for the bar. I just wanted to see what you were up to. Ikkaku and the rest of them have a spar session with Kusajishi and it ain't going well...so I thought I'd drop by and see how you're doing without your taicho present." Renji sat on the desk, placing Zabimaru beside him. "You ready to face Hisagi tonight?"

"Don't even remind me." came her short response as she continued to lay there idly. "Honestly, Renji. Do you think I'm a bad person for not being straight forward? I mean I guess it is a little obvious Shuhei has the hots for me...but I can't just _hurt_ him like that, you know? Especially with Tosen-taicho's recent betrayal..."

"By not setting it straight? I don't know, Rangiku-san... It seems like doing that will hurt him more. I guess it wouldn't hurt giving it a try for the guy, would it?" Renji paused, eyes locked with her cool blue ones. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Oh, Renji!" Matsumoto sat up, wiggling a finger at the man while chuckling. "I know a wingman when I see one! Has he been asking you to set us up? Because that sure as hell is a stupid idea to play the wingwoman at her game!" Matsumoto chuckled softly, almost a little fake. "Of course I'm okay."

"No no no, that's not the case!" Renji insisted, his hands shooting up for mercy. "It's just...well, he's always been there for you, right? Paying for your drinks when _I'm_ out of cash thanks to _you._" Matsumoto gave a sheepish smile at his words. She did tend to rely on the two of them to pay her long list of sake at the bars. "Aside that, I guess it wont hurt to try if you have neutral feelings about him. It's not like he's a bad option, but it just may not have officially come to your attention that he could be more than a drinking buddy...A potential candidate, I guess."

"Wow," Matsumoto paused, astonished. "I can't believe I've lived up to the day to see Abarai Renji speak something smart! Praise the Lord, the day has finally come!"

"Oi! I always say smart things!" Renji huffed, glaring at the younger woman. "Don't drag my drunk words into this conversation, because screaming 'Ichimaru, I'm out to get you' in front of everyone totally ain't reckless!" Renji retorted playfully, only had he realized seconds later, that bringing Ichimaru's name into the picture had wiped Matsumoto's usual mischief off her face. Clearly it remained as a sensitive subject to some of them in the Gotei Thirteen.

Matsumoto let out a pitiful chuckle, her voice lowering to a murmur. "I hope he's having the time of his life there with Aizen and all those hollows."

Renji heard her whisper, and was contemplating on thrusting Zabimaru into his heart and ending it there and then. He mentally cursed himself for his carelessness about the topic. "S-sorry, Rangiku-san. Really, I didn't mean to bring him up." After all, it had been less than a month since the incident.

Matsumoto stayed quiet for a while, her eyes glued to the floor. More thoughts of the past rammed through her mind with the simple word 'Gin'. Suddenly, a bright grin rose to her face, as if all the sake in the world was presented in front of her.

"No worries, Renji! I know you didn't mean to. Besides, I'm totally over all of that! Gin can go marry Aizen for all I care!" Clearly she had been bluffing, Renji saw through, but decided it was best to let her believe that she had deceived him. It hadn't been long since Aizen's departure with Gin and Tosen. Everybody was in the stage of healing, but Matsumoto's heart still took baby steps. Hell, if Matsumoto hadn't mastered the deceiving facade all those years ago, she'd be in a worse state than Hinamori.

_Now I'm acting like you, huh? _Matsumoto thought to herself pitifully. She often caught herself gazing out the window at the gardens of her division. It was where they often met in the middle of the night, to talk. There really wasn't a day where the thought of Gin wouldn't come to mind.

"Yeah, doesn't matter what they do. We'll stop them, end them and we're much happier without them." Renji reassured his friend with a comforting smile.

"Say, Renji..." Matsumoto trailed off, remembering what she had thought prior Renji's arrival in the office. "Do you know much about Kuchiki-taicho? As in, has he ever..._opened_ up to you?"

Renji scratched his head, trying to think of all the times Kuchiki Byakuya hadn't indirectly bullied him. Now that was rare. "Well...yeah, I think. There has been times where taicho had cared for my well-being, and interfered battles when I was on the brink of death..." Renji pondered for a few seconds before opening his mouth again. "We don't share secrets, but we don't need words to communicate. I guess we just let actions speak for itself."

"Oh... I see."

"Why? Is anything bothering you about your taicho?" came Renji's response.

Matsumoto shook her head, slumping her back on the couch. "He's not giving me anything to bother about. It feels like I don't know much of my taicho, you know? So I was wondering if you knew much about yours... it's not some crazy rule in the Soul Society to forbid captains associating themselves with their lieutenants personally, is there?"

"No, of course not," Renji replied. "In fact, I think they're meant to be closer than any other subordinate...Hitsugaya-taicho's the youngest captain, remember that. He ain't gonna waltz around boasting about his role, people talk shit about everyone and I think he's got it pretty bad..."

"The guy seems troubled all the time! Mou... I mean even _Kurotsuchi-taicho_ takes interests into things and he's weird as hell! Taicho just...breaks off from the world." Matsumoto sighed. She envied those who had a close relationship with their captains, like Nanao and Kyoraku. Gods, she'd give anything to break open that stupid little ice cage of his.

Renji let out a small sigh, pushed himself off the table and walked straight to the door, Zabimaru hung on his waist. "Well, I'm off. I'll see you in an hour or so at the bars. Try not to think about it so much, Rangiku-san... If it bothers you that much, how about go understand him?"

Matsumoto looked at him in inquiry, raising an innocent eyebrow.

"There's a big difference between knowing someone and understanding someone. I guess that's how you'll have to break through his coldness or whatever it was. See ya." With that, Renji left the room to a musing Matsumoto.

-:-

The latter words remained into Matsumoto's memory for a while as she returned to her loving couch. The strawberry-blonde woman glanced at the window, the sky was turning dark already and ready for the evening to pass by. She must've been pondering about it for some time now not to notice the swift change.

"There's a difference between knowing someone and understanding someone, huh?"

Memories of Gin started to flow through her mind. She knew the man, she loved the man, she grew up with the man...but did she really understand his intentions? No, he wouldn't let her. And she wasn't going to let her captain do the same. Hitsugaya and Gin were the most important men in Matsumoto's life, she'd admit. She valued her captain greatly for all the things he's done for her, especially thoughtfully dealing with her mourning of Gin.

Suddenly, the door flew open and not a very happy Hitsugaya came charging in, ignoring all the cries from their subordinates outside. A brisk rush of wind came swooshing through; the temperature had changed drastically and she didn't have to guess that he _wasn't_ in a good mood. His captain's haori was messy, his scowl was a lot colder than usual and his cheek had been slashed, a few careless blood drops trickling down his cheek.

"Taicho?" Matsumoto stared at her captain, who certainly did not look happy at all. It was rare to ever see the man truly angry, something must've pissed him off _bad_ to get him infuriating. Hitsugaya looked as if he had come out of some battle, the blood on his cheek being evidence. He did not look good at all.

"I'm not in the mood, Matsumoto." He whispered harshly through his gritted teeth. She could see his scowl deepening as he trudged to his desk, grabbing his scarf that hung on his chair. "I finished the paperwork for the night."

"Your cheek!" The woman rose, walking over to her captain, looking at him with worried eyes. "What the hell happened, taicho? Did you get into a fight?" Matsumoto absently lifted her hand to lightly trace the fresh scab on his neck, feeling the crispness of the top. It may be nothing compared to previous wounds, but it sent chills down her back. Why had no one inform her on a fight? Moments later, her hand was in contact by her side again, swatted away harshly by Hitsugaya.

"_Nothing_ happened." He spat, glaring at the woman. "Drop it, Matsumoto." Without giving a chance for the woman to respond, Matsumoto watched him leave the room swiftly as his yelling at a few unlucky subordinates rung through the office. Matsumoto winced at his harshness, feeling the remains of the icy temperature in the room, not long before it started to warm up. She pondered some more on what could possibly piss him off. Hinamori was still at the Fourth, and Renji would've updated her if otherwise. Aizen was happily shitting on his Hollows as they kissed his feet in Hueco Mundo, so that was taken care of. Nothing sprung to mind as Matsumoto pondered.

Hitsugaya just didn't tell her anything that he was feeling. Heck, he _never_ told her anything aside from business. Unless he was on the brink of exploding by her constant moaning, he'd never let Matsumoto know how he felt.

"M-Matsumoto-fukutaicho!" came the trembling voice of a fellow Tenth subordinate, instantly snapping her out of her thoughts. Poor guy, he must've suffered Hitsugaya's anger and came to ask about it. "Is Hitsugaya-taicho okay? W-we tried to ask him if he needed assistance with his bleeding cheek and arm, but h-he denied our offers, m'am! Without sufficient care for his bleeding arm, it may form a-"

Matsumoto raised an eyebrow, cutting the man off. "His arm was bleeding, you say?" She didn't recall seeing his arm bleed.

"H-hai! His right arm was bleeding severely, and was addressed very badly with his shihakusho sleeve!"

Matsumoto's eyebrows knitted together as she absorbed the information carefully. No wonder he wouldn't turn to face her, Matsumoto thought. He had deliberately hid the fact his arm was cut in a much more severe state than his cheek when he came into the room. He didn't turn to face her, but allowed her to face the undamaged arm. Matsumoto's expression clouded — how dare he bear all his injuries himself? How dare he ignore his lieutenant and subordinates, allowing them to worry? How dare he ignore _her, _allow _her_ to worry? Matsumoto was damn tired of being the last one to know all the time. Deciding to find out for herself, Matsumoto turned to grab Haineko in a swift and walked straight past the trembling officer, murmuring a simple 'thanks' on her way out.

She definitely was going to get answers from her captain somehow. As for now, she needed to do a little investigation of her own.

**To Be Continued.**

* * *

**Review on your way out?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Learn Me, Love Me.**

Questions.

**-:-**

**Chapter Two.**

Matsumoto trotted out of the Division, ignoring the concerns and cries from her subordinates. The woman sighed, before continued walking.

Passing through the gardens of the Ninth Division, Matsumoto reminded herself of what she saw. In reality, a wound like that wasn't life-threatening, unless knowing her stubborn captain, he wouldn't budge to the Fourth _just_ because he'd be interrogated by Unohana afterwards.

But it was the stubborn captain he was that caused her to worry. And because he'd never tell her what he was thinking, she'd never know how to act next. She knew better than to force him; if it were something important, he would've confided to her. Matsumoto wanted to know more than just what was 'work important', she wanted to know how he felt and why.

Were the significant men in Matsumoto's life cursed to be so secretive? Hell, she didn't know, but Gin's mask was just as bad as her captain's, the two being unreadable and cold.

_Maybe_ her captain's was worse. Gin would actually drop hints from time to time, and poke a little bit of fun to show he's still okay. Her captain? He could be dying and she wouldn't know. Oh, but she swore that day she would get to the bottom of things.

_Just where could he have run off to in a condition like _that_? _Matsumoto thought to herself.

_More importantly, _The lieutenant stopped in her tracks, her eyebrows knitted into a soft scowl at no one in particular. _who_ caused_ it?_

After what felt like an hour of mindless ambling, Matsumoto found herself standing in front of the large '八' insignia, indicating her journey was over. It had taken longer than expected, and the sky was turning dark. Soon, she'd have to meet Renji at the bars.

A small part of the lieutenant hoped her two trusty friends of the Eighth Division knew of something; they were always the best option to result to whenever she felt the need to talk it out. As Matsumoto pushed lightly on the already slightly opened door, her open mouth halted upon the scene before her. She peeked at the creek of the door.

Kyoraku's reiatsu was raised slightly, definitely intentional, as he sat in front of his desk quietly. Stood in front of his desk was surprisingly the captain of the Eleventh Division, who had his back facing the door.

It was strange to see the large captain associating himself with another outside of meetings, Matsumoto thought to herself. The last time she checked, the man was only interested in fighting, beer, fighting, power and the well-being of his little lieutenant. And more fighting. He was never really the one to bond with others under the cherry blossom tree and share secrets over sake on a fine summers day.

Nanao, who noticed her best friend's presence, silently motioned her over to her desk, which was located on the other side of the room. Matsumoto made her way over as quietly as possible, attempting to catch the gist of the conversation, but not much luck. It was mainly consisted of Kyoraku talking, in not a very pleased tone, and Zaraki giving a few nods and grunts in response.

_What a boring conversation! _Matsumoto thought to herself. And there she thought something interesting would appear. Until, something caught her attention...

"I'm 'fraid that's Yama-jii's final decision, Zaraki-taicho. Jushiro and I finalized it and agreed it's a fair punishment for both of you." said Kyoraku, fanning himself. He did not smile, nor did he frown. He didn't seem very happy, but his tone sounded rather disappointed.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." came Zaraki's bored reply.

Kyoraku's eyes darken momentarily. "Do understand that Yama-jii _isn't_ happy with this situation and the trouble it's caused, Zaraki-taicho." The man paused, then glanced over at Matsumoto. "I won't keep you here anymore, you may go now."

With that, Zaraki turned to leave. Upon leaving, he looked over at Matsumoto, who stood by Nanao's desk quietly. The large captain paused mid-way, his eyes remaining on the woman; within short seconds, the large captain roared into deep, heavy laughter. His voice rang through the whole office, thick and cunning. The sound sent chills down Matsumoto and Nanao's spine as they watched him leave, his laugh lingering down the hallways unpleasantly.

If it was one thing Matsumoto didn't like, it was the creepy glares the Eleventh Division captain gave her. His lieutenant was cute_—_slight demonic for her looks_— _but still tolerable.

As soon as Zaraki's seemed to be out of sight, Kyoraku stood up from his seat and walked over to a small table in the middle of the office, motioning the two ladies to join him. As usual, the captain had great hospitality, especially to his favorite drinking buddy and beloved lieutenant. A few teacups were set up on the table as Kyoraku served the two lieutenants with jasmine tea.

"I see you've come to visit us again, Rangiku-chan!" Kyoraku grinned, his tone resuming into mischief and play. "Tea?"

Matsumoto and Nanao made their way over, taking their seats comfortably. It was a favorite way for Matsumoto to pass time whenever her captain sent her out of the room, deeming her no use for the day. Matsumto nodded and gave a smile to her friend, before bringing the beautifully designed teacup to her lips, sipping the tea, then releasing it back onto the desk.

"Weird..." Matsumoto muttered to herself. "I've never seen Zaraki-taicho leave his division..." After Kyoraku had finished pouring tea for Nanao, Matsumoto opened her mouth. "Is everything okay, Shunsui?"

Kyoraku fanned himself in delight as he watched the two sip on their cups. "Of course, Rangiku-chan."

Deciding not to press matters, Matsumoto simply nodded as she brought the hot cup of jasmine tea to her lips, savoring each sip of her favorite tea. It certainly helped brighten her somewhat ruined day, but her mood still remained cautious.

Whatever trouble and mayhem Zaraki caused, Kyoraku had taken care of it fairly. His choice of words were well-picked, something she silently admired of Kyoraku. He could easily deceive outsiders with his words and warm attitude; an attitude like that was expected of a man like him, when sake wasn't involved in the picture.

Speaking of sake, Matsumoto realized she didn't have much time until her meeting with Renji at the bars. If she wanted answers, she needed to acquire them quick. "Thank you, Shunsui. I'm actually not here today to drink with you," Matsumoto paused for a few seconds. "I'm here to ask about my Taicho."

Nanao placed her teacup back onto the plate, averting a look to her captain, who simply continued to fan himself quietly in peace.

Matsumoto sighed, figuring she'd have to explain the situation one point or the other. "He came back this afternoon after the captain's meeting and his arm was wounded. It's so unlike Taicho to be wounded...he's so careful with things. The worst part is he ran away without telling me!"

Kyoraku continued to sip on his tea in peace, almost seeming unaffected by her words. Nanao remained quiet until moments later, her captain placed the teacup on the table, clearing his throat.

"Well, Hitsugaya-kun could have experienced a few careless injuries, Rangiku-chan. We all have those days, don't we, Nanao-chan?"

Nanao nodded, almost robotically. "Taicho is right, Rangiku... I'm sure Hitsugaya-taicho will handle it by himself. You know how he is, he's very hard-working and his desire not to saddle others with his troubles. Maybe he's just sparing you the trouble."

That was the thing. Matsumoto _didn't_ know. Matsumoto didn't know what her Taicho actually felt or wanted. Sure, he could act like he was fine and well, and sure, he could cover it up and claim he's been to the Fourth. But that wasn't what Matsumoto wanted to know. Those were blatant lies that Matsumoto knew could fool anyone but her.

The woman inwardly cursed herself on the lack of knowledge she had of her captain.

"I _don't_ know, Nanao, that's the thing. I don't know where he is, or if he's okay. Taicho isn't as easy as he seems... he doesn't want to cause anyone trouble, that's for sure, but I'm his lieutenant..." an inevitable sigh escaped her full, rosy lips. "It's causing me trouble to not be able to help him, you know?"

The two Eighth Division leaders shared another remorseful look. Nanao hadn't seen Rangiku this worried since...forever, actually. Then again, it was a first for Hitsugaya to be caught up in fights, wherever he had attracted them. The two both sensed Matsumoto's misery through her facial expressions, for it was rare for the flippant woman to look so troubled. She hadn't bothered touching herself up, nor did she take her daily afternoon nap. Concern was plastered on her face and her voice was tinted of worry.

"It really might just be Hitsugaya-taicho being clumsy." Nanao added, "I think you're over-thinking things, Rangiku..."

"I'm not!" Matsumoto rasped, eyebrows knitted. "Why wont _anyone_ understand that Taicho might be in trouble?"

Seconds passed and Matsumoto simmered down as she noticed how taken aback her two friends were. Frustration had built up and gotten the better of her. "I'm sorry," she took a deep breath and began again. "I'm just stressed about my division. I don't know how Taicho does it, but when everyone just comes bombarding you with questions...I didn't know what to tell them."

Massaging her temples, Matsumoto sighed, her voice softening into a murmur. "I _know_ people know. They're just not telling me! What if he's already dead in a corner and I'm sitting here sipping tea?"

Nanao couldn't help but sigh again, pushing her spectacles up to the bridge of her nose. It hurt to see her friend in a horrible condition, but all the words that could escape her mouth were the same pitiful apologies.

"I'm sorry, Rangiku." Nanao spoke. "I think what you should do is wait until he reveals himself to you. I'm sure you'll see him tomorrow at the office, healthy and aided."

Kyoraku remained quiet as watched his friend stand up, letting out another sigh. Perhaps it was best to let her mind relax, Matsumoto thought. He was a captain, after all. He's obviously asking for space; he didn't need her to snoop around.

"I guess so. I have to at least try once more, or I'll never forgive myself if I find out he was just around the corner all along. Thank you for the tea." The woman bowed, spinning on her heel to leave. Within moments, the woman disappeared from the office, leaving the two in silence. Nanao's long, remorseful sigh broke the silence between her and her captain.

"I don't think avoiding the subject was a good idea. She looked very worried for Hitsugaya-taicho."

Kyoraku stood up in a matter of seconds, swiftly making his way towards the open window.

"I think this anger isn't only from this. It may be from situations of her own, Nanao-chan." He stopped for a moment to glance over his shoulder. "A situation like this shouldn't be explained through our mouths."

The spectacled woman watched her captain slip out the window, a bottle of sake in hand.

"_Hai, taicho_."

-:-

As Matsumoto enjoyed the evening's breeze while strolling the Tenth Division's garden mindlessly, the question that sprung to mind countless times returned by her side once again.

_Did every important man in Matsumoto's life just have to be so damn secretive?_

_To leave her when she called out, to leave her locked out from their minds?_

The situation with her captain was a little different than with Gin, however. Gin had left her when she needed him to be _physically _there, like the friend he said he would be, rather than to be greeted with the mound of money and groceries left for her to survive. _Alone, of course._

Luckily, one snowy night, she had caught him leaving the house and treading away. Gin's departures started to happen more frequent, and the durations extended each time. It was only upon being caught that he told her he was leaving her to become a shinigami and to 'change things', so they'll end without her having to cry.

If she hadn't caught him that night, it would've taken her weeks to realize that maybe, he wouldn't be coming back.

Matsumoto had no problem being alone, it was something she was greeted with since childhood. When she had just so luckily developed a body that many desired, features that were considered of upmost beauty and the strength that no one would expect of a such a beauty, she took it to it's advantages and decided to cease the loneliness that haunted her for too long.

Now, she had everyone wanting to be her friend, gazing at her beauty, admiring her strengths. She had developed strong bonds with a few that were dear to her heart, for instance, Nanao and Shunsui.

Her attitude was all for the company. She needed this lively and consistent company of others just to temporary blind her from the dreadful loneliness she despised growing up. And so, it was from that moment onwards, that her experiences had cause her to develop into the carefree and flirtatious attitude she had today.

As for her captain, he was no better than Gin.

He'd bear the pain of anything on his own, shutting his lieutenant's worries out in the process. A guy like him didn't want to burden anyone with his thoughts, unless related to work, and it was a mindset like his that made Matsumoto's blood boil. He didn't need to carry this weight alone, she'd tell him, but he simply told her to drop the subject and move on. Since then, Matsumoto did indeed drop the subject, and never interfered with her captain's privacy.

Until now.

Hitsugaya had a very definite line of what crossed his personal borders, and what was within work boundaries. No one but Hinamori had the special privilege to be held dearly in his heart, like family.

Upon being distracted by the bright lights of the bar, Matsumoto's musings came to a halt, slipping into the lively atmosphere. Her eyes scanned the room for a certain redhead and a cueball amongst the crowd. It didn't take long for her to find the drunks in the corner of the room.

-:-

"Rangiku-san, are you okay? You don't look very happy." Shuhei remarked, seemingly to be the only one sober. Ikkaku, Renji and Kira were off in a corner having fun, pestering poor Yumichika and his feathers.

The last thing Matsumoto wanted to deal with was another confession from the Ninth Division's lieutenant. She had dealt with Shuhei's drunk confessions and gladly let them slide, claiming she was drunk as well. But to have a sober confession simply meant there wasn't a way out of it. Gulping down another glass of sake, Matsumoto was most certain on getting drunk tonight. It was certainly what she needed.

"I'm fine, Shuhei! You see? I'm happy and healthy!" The woman forced a grin, feeling the alcohol get to her head. _Finally._ All she needed was the alcohol. "Ahhh... sweet sake."

"I see..." Shuhei cautiously replied, sipping on some lame-looking non-alcoholic drink.

"Go!" Matsumoto shooed the man. "Go over and save poor Yumichika from them! Don't worry about me, I think after a couple more glasses it'll ease me all up."

The black haired man nodded reluctantly, then went to break off the tiff between the feathered-eye Fifth seat and bald grumbling Third seat, who was clearly drunk out of his mind.

"I can smell a liar when I see one, Rangiku-san." came Renji's voice.

"Using my words now are we, Renji?" Matsumoto took another gulp from her glass. "It's fine, I'll be fine. Taicho will be fine!"

"I know you're still worried about him." The redhead chugged the remains of his sake. "You never let work interfere personal time. It's a first, Rangiku-san. Are you _sure_ everything is alright?"

"Taicho is still young, I can't help but to worry about him..." The woman replied, absently watching Shuhei break up the fight between the two Eleventh Division members. "He's so hard to understand."

"He's a taicho for a reason, and he's strong. Really strong." Renji paused to look at his friend with comforting eyes. "You of all people should know that looking your age means nothing here. He looks nothing his age, and he's not that much younger than you, I think."

"But there's something about him that seems so fragile, I don't know much about him personally, but he takes things too hard!" Rangiku sighed. "You know, once I spiked his tea with vodka from the World of the Living to help loosen him up but he knew the instant he smelt it!"

Renji chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

Matsumoto let out a grin, gulping down another glass of sake beside her. The sake started to hit her, after what was perhaps her soon-to-be tenth cup. "I'm the mastermind of all plans, of course! Come, lets drink up!"

After a few drinks, Matsumoto was on the brink of getting_ really_ drunk, it was just what she needed. Renji, on the other hand, took tiny sips to make sure the alcohol wouldn't get to him as fast. He knew the woman just wanted to block out her worries, and so far she was doing a good job. Not a single word of Hitsugaya sprung into their conversations.

Mastumoto insisted Renji try a sweet drink she had from the World of the Living. "Malibu coke! It's sweet, try it Renji!" Matsumoto cheered, raising her glass of vodka in the air. "Toast to alcohol!"

Renji took a large gulp, trusting the woman's words. Soon, he broke out into long coughs, grasping his throat. "Dammit, woman! Too much fuckin' vodka in this shit! Sweet my asshole!"

"How the - hell - are you - gonna get drunk - without - it, silly!" A few hiccups escaped her lips as she giggled at his expression. "Ah...I think I see red pineapples tonight, Renji..."

"It's just me, dumbass!" Renji shouted unnecessarily loud, earning a few glance from shinigamis on the other tables. "Ya know, Rangiku-san... I've been meaning ta tell you..."

Matsumoto leaned forward, her eyelids heavy and mind clear. "I'm listening, talking red pineapple!"

Renji sighed. He wasn't sober, oh no. He could feel the drunk thoughts overpowering his sober ones. Soon, he would _far_ from sober. His words slipped out slightly louder than intended. "I think yer worrying about Hitsugaya too much! He ain't a stupid guy, he won't bleed to death! I'm pretty sure at least by now he's all patched up and at home resting! Let him rest! He's okay!"

Ikkaku, who had heard Renji's shouts, staggered towards their table, leaning on the chair beside the two. His breathing came into ragged gasps as he opened his mouth.

"Are we talkin' bout that fight taicho had with Hitsugaya-taicho? Man, when Yumichika an' I came to greet taicho I didn't think he'd be greeted by that crazy ice bankai of Hitsugaya's!" Ikkaku slumped to the seat beside the two, raising a hand up. "Dammit, Yumichika! I'm fine!"

"What fight are you talking about, Cueball?" Matsumoto raised an eyebrow, her eyelids feeling heavy.

"Don' tell me ya don't know!" Ikkaku gulped down another cup, totally oblivious of the glares Yumichika was sending. "That fight Hitsugaya-taicho had with taicho fer callin' ya a whore, of course!" Ikkaku hiccuped, taking a breath. "Hitsugaya-taicho went up in flames after hearin' him talk, but that's how taicho talks of a lot of women!"

Silence fell amongst the crew. Shuhei didn't look comfortable, and neither did Kira, who simply looked away. Yumichika glared daggers at his best friend and Renji just sighed, the alcohol giving him a headache.

As for Matsumoto, her entire body stiffened. "He..._what_?"

It took Ikkaku a while to realize what he said, after Yumichika had not-so-subtly punched his arm. "Ah...fuck." the bald man murmured, his drunk senses still overpowering his sober thoughts. Yumichika, on the other hand, was contemplating on cutting his best friend's tongue off before any more stupid things came out. He managed out an apology, "Sorry, Rangiku-san..."

"Taicho - got into a fight -" Matsumoto croaked, repeating Ikkaku's words through hiccups. "with - Zaraki-taicho - for calling - me a - _whore_?"

A flashback of what Kyoraku had said earlier in the office sprung into the drunken woman's mind. A sense of realization hit her like a bullet to the chest. Except with alcohol, everything was ten times worse. Nanao and Shunsui must've been lying, knowing of this all along. Two of her drinking buddies knew, and yet they didn't say anything.

_"I'm 'fraid that's Yama-jii's final decision, Zaraki-taicho. Jushiro and I finalized it and agreed it's a fair punishment for both of you."_

_"Do understand that Yama-jii isn't happy with this situation and the trouble it's caused, Zaraki-taicho." The man paused, glancing over to the woman's direction. "I won't keep you here anymore, you may go now."_

_Over something... so_ ridiculous_?_

Matsumoto had heard of her share of gossip. _Whore_ had been mentioned before, _slut_ and _skank_ several times. It was often because of jealousy people spoke bad of her. It was never true.

Now, standing in front of her friends, Matsumoto indeed looked like a skank that very moment. A drunken, messy skank. Her shihakusho was loose, her assets _very_ close to spilling out (when have they not?) Tears formed in her eyes, dying to spill out; her limbs were wobbly and almost incapable to stand straight. She truly looked like a mess, but it didn't matter, because Matsumoto, now, was furious.

"Zaraki-taicho - called me a - whore?" Matsumoto hissed, hiccups still interfering her drunken words. "Is that why - _no one -_ told me - about it?"

No one replied her questions.

It took her no longer than a few seconds to decide where to go next. Stumbling away from the table, the woman disappeared within seconds; leaving an angry Renji, an awkward Kira, an embarrassed Shuhei and a furious Yumichika that pinned his eyes on his bald best friend.

"Way to go, Ikkaku." Renji muttered, his palm flew up to his forehead. "I don't know how the hell I can convince her outta this one..."

"Fuckin' - hell... I - didn't - know she didn't - know!" The bald man mumbled angrily through his hiccups, tolerating a horrible headache. "I - hate - sake."

"Oh, you'll hate the hangover too, Ikkaku." Yumichika rolled his eyes. "Look at how messy this has gotten, because you couldn't keep your mouth _shut_."

Renji bolted out of the bar, unaware of the stares they had gotten from the scene caused. Right now, he had to find his friend before she did anything stupid to herself. He cursed his luck, and the stupidity of a certain Cueball he was sure to torture after his hangover tomorrow.

-:-

Matsumoto's mind was full of drunken, confused thoughts as she flashstepped away from the bar, racing forward.

Was he going to deny it and tell her to go home? She did not know. She didn't care either. All that was on her mind was the direction of his personal quarters and the rest simply didn't matter.

**To Be Continued.**

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**Review, please? **


	3. A Thousand and One

Sorry, guys! The awaited chapter is the next. Review what you thought of this though, and maybe the next will be a little more fluffier than intended. ;)

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**Learn Me, Love Me.**

A Thousand and One

**-:-**

**Chapter Three.**

Flashback, earlier that afternooon.

_"If there are no other matters to discuss, then I will summarize the important points of today." Yamamoto spoke. "We are to monitor Karakura Town to ensure that no Hollows or creations of Aizen Sosuke disturbs the souls, and we are to keep our guards up for what the future may hold of us. For now, allow yourselves to take a good rest to be prepared for what chaos we may encounter from those traitors. __Dismissed."_

_At Yamamoto's words, the captains started to dispatch to their divisions, almost too eagerly walking towards the exit of the meeting room. It was a boring meeting, and certainly felt different. It felt odd to only have ten captains walking away, rather than the usual thirteen. It felt slightly lonely, but it would take some getting use to. Especially with the burning hate Hitsugaya had for the former Fifth Division captain and the aftermath with Hinamori._

_Walking away, Hitsugaya's stress returned to mind; as usual, having to face the almost two-story high stack of paperwork when he returned. He'd probably have a few left to do if his lieutenant didn't insist that her fingers felt 'funny' when in contact with a brush and faced with 'boring' documents. He didn't particularly want to return to the division, but he had a strong feeling Matsumoto probably had thrown a party during his absence. Or maybe a zoo of drunk lieutenants having a party. Or just drunk alone._

_ Again. _

_How could she not? Hitsugaya knew it too. The woman practically watched her childhood friend betray the Soul Society, his comrades, _her. _It wasn't his business, though. He knew nothing of them, and didn't intend to pry into her personal life. He watched Hinamori suffer and it was much, much worse than Matsumoto's case. __Shaking the thoughts away, the sound of Ukitake's callings from behind started to catch up. _

_"Hitsugaya-kun!" Ukitake smiled brightly, catching up to Hitsugaya's pace. Kyoraku trailed behind, catching up to his two friends shortly. _

_"Ukitake, Kyoraku," Hitsugaya greeted calmly, the thought of Matsumoto and her theory 'sake tasting better in the afternoon' clouding his mind. His office was probably on fire by now. The weekly documents—!_

_"You're snarling, Hitsugaya-taicho." Kyoraku noticed. "Must be about Rangiku-chan, eh?"_

_Ukitake spoke before Hitsugaya could deny, "Oh, if it's about Rangiku-san then please tell her we'd love to join her and Abarai-san tonight! However, we'll be a bit late. But, like she said, more people the merrier!"_

Of course Matsumoto would say that_, Hitsugaya thought, inwardly smirking at how persuasive his lieutenant could be, even at a grieving time like this._

_"It's nothing of major importance. I was just thinking if Matsumoto would've thrown a party and cause a ruckus by now. That woman..." came Hitsugaya's swift reply. He often expressed his lieutenant's crazy doings and somewhat smart excuses to ditch work to the two older captains. Ukitake and Kyoraku chuckled in response as the three walked through the passageway, facing the beautiful gardens of the First. _

_"'Course yer lieutenant would cause a ruckus, shrimp! That woman likes ta fuck up Ikkaku on the nights out they have." A familiar gruff voice commented from behind. _

___Turning around, Hitsugaya was met with the most damnable captain of the Gotei. He inwardly cursed his luck as his eye started to twitch. It hadn't been the first time he spoke of Matsumoto as dirt. _

_"I'm sure it's just a joke, Zaraki-taicho. No harsh feelings on that, ne?" Kyoraku swiftly intervened, noticing Hitsugaya's eye twitch. _

_"And your point is, Zaraki?" came Hitsugaya's curt response. The younger captain had no patience for the taller captain; just like how the taller captain showed no respect for him. _

_____Hitsugaya never was particularly fond of the Eleventh Division captain; he spoke ill of Matsumoto and himself whenever he had the chance to. _If it were anyone else, Hitsugaya would've tolerated it with tact. However, Zaraki blatantly degraded women often and Matsumoto in particular. It was obvious Soifon wasn't too fond of him either. He'd never address Hitsugaya properly, simply giving him nicknames such as 'shrimp' just to intentionally push his buttons.

_ "I'm sayin'," Zaraki leaned forward to meet Hitsugaya's eye-level, grinning. "Why are ya complainin' when it's parly yer fault that women's a mess? It ain't the first time I've heard shit 'bout yer lieutenant, shrimp. Quit complainin' all the fuckin' time about her."_

_"Hey, hey, Zaraki-taicho. I think that's enough." Ukitake immediately spoke, his tone unwelcoming. "Hitsugaya-kun, I think you should go back to Rangiku-san now. I think she needs help with her paperwork." _

_Kyoraku held a tight grip on Hitsugaya's arm, preventing him from tackling the taller captain. The coast was clear, only consisting the four men. Kuchiki and Soifon were nearby, but were heading towards a different direction. _

_"Is that so?" Hitsugaya forcefully trudged past Kyoraku's grip, his expression was simmering with anger. "And what have you_ exactly_ been hearing of Matsumoto, Zaraki? Would you care to enlighten me?" _

_Zaraki roared into deep, thick laughter; the type that would send chills down your spine screaming 'deadly' and 'sadistic'. It was the type of laugh Zaraki had when he was faced with interesting situations, daring opponents and situations often relating to fighting, death and bloodshed. __"I don't care, shrimp. But thought ya should know yer lieutenant's one hell of a mess after that bastard Ichimaru."_

_Moments later, the oblivious Third and Fifth seat of the Eleventh arrived, unaware of the tension between the two captains. Kuchiki and Soifon stopped dead in their tracks, sensing the vast reiatsu leak from Hitsugaya. He was never good at controlling in his reiatsu when angered. __After a few seconds of thick, deep laughter, Zaraki returned his attention to the Tenth captain, ignoring his two subordinate's confused expressions. _

_"Just as lousy as trash! Can a woman like her put up a fight? Probably not. She's jus' as worthless as a whore." Zaraki taunted._

_Little did he know, the younger captain's great weakness was taunting. He simply couldn't take it._

_Hitsugaya's entire body stiffened at his words momentarily before a blast of icy-blue reiatsu fiercely roared out. Taken aback, Ukitake and Kyoraku stepped away from Hitsugaya's way. Little did Zaraki know, the wielder of Hyorinmaru's greatest weakness was taunt. He simply couldn't take it._

_"Hitsugaya-kun! He's just taunting you!" _

_Hyorinmaru was unsheathed within seconds and aimed right at the larger captain's neck, only to be instantly blocked by the nameless zanpakuto. The two held a glare for a few seconds; Zaraki's grin widening as Hitsugaya pulled back. A few more clinks of colliding blades and Hitsugaya pulled back, devising a way to pierce the man._

_"You bastard..." Hitsugaya hissed behind gritted teeth. Before Zaraki could respond, Hitsugaya briskly appeared behind him with the skillful use of shunpo, managing to slice his left arm all the way down to his wrist, ripping out the irritating sleeve in the process. _

_"Taicho!" Madarame called out, only being pulled back by the flamboyant Fifth Seat, silently motioning him not to interfere. The two knew if things got out of control and Zaraki and Hitsugaya did end up in a heated fight, their captain would never be able to forgive either of them for interfering._

_"Not bad, shrimp. Ya caught me off guard." Zaraki ripped off the hanging sleeve. "Now why're ya so angry I called yer lieutenant a whore? Don't tell me you don't think she doesn't act like one! " Zaraki thundered against each of Hitsugaya's attack he effortlessly blocked. _

_Zaraki's grin widened once again after feeling Hitsugaya's icy reiatsu blast out ferociously by the second. __"Don't tell me ya don't think that woman fuckin' sleeps around!"_

_Slice._

_Zaraki's torn right sleeve revealed a severely bleeding cut, that was at least two inches deep. The first moderate slice was intended to be a warning; a simple way the bloodthirsty brash man could comprehend to kindly_ fuck off._ The second time, however, was a not so kind way to tell the brawny captain to_ fuck the hell off. _Ice formed around the wound of Zaraki's dominant arm, coating it with the stinging pain. He shouldn't be able to move his arm by now._

_Hitsugaya unsheathed Hyorinmaru swiftly before casting a cold glare over his shoulder. _"_You__ are not to speak of Matsumoto like that, Zaraki. She is __nothing of what you said she is.__" With that, Hitsugaya turned to leave the scene behind him. _

_Before he could take another peaceful step, his arm was abruptly met with a blade. Then, his senses of his left arm were cut off - left with numbness. Liquid seemed to be trickling down his fingers, but he had yet to feel the bitter pain. Shooting a slow glare at his arm, it was indeed met with a silver blade, sticking out of his limb ever so disgustingly. Blood dripped from the tip of the blade and onto the grass within each slow, passing second. __He had been stabbed on the arm, and yet nothing felt painful...until-_

_"Hitsugaya-taicho!" Ukitake called from the side, running towards the captain. Soifon and Kuchiki, who were watching from the side, started to make their way over, intending to break up the ruckus. It was all blocked out by the sudden shock of pain that hit him like a bullet. _

_As Zaraki abruptly hauled the blade out of Hitsugaya's arm, Hitsugaya hissed at the sudden action, falling on his knees. Ukitake appeared beside him, bearing the weight of the younger captain._

_"Za-zaraki..." Hitsugaya croaked, his words almost inaudible, but yet managed to plaster a bright, condescending grin on the Eleventh captain's face._

_"An' who are _you_ to stop me, shrimp?" Zaraki jeered, his right arm seemingly unaffected. "It's gonna take a whole lot to make me shut up, so how 'bout we continue this the _proper_ way?" _

_Ukitake frowned as he glanced up to the Eleventh captain. "Stop this, Zaraki." _

_Hitsugaya felt his blood run freely from his shoulder, trickling heavily down his arms and fingers, dripping excessively on the grass. It was a much more fierce of a cut than Hitsugaya had given on Zaraki. Hitsugaya could feel the burning pain on his shoulder as he winced, clutching the wound with his right hand. It was then, every single vein in his left arm felt like it had exploded, that every inch of blood leaked out like a river. _

-:-

Yelping, Hitsugaya jolted up from the bed, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. A sheen of sweat lightly coated the teal-eyed captain's chest and forehead. The robes must've been soaking up his sweat throughout the hours of his rest, they were awfully damp.

The pain had felt too real.

Glancing at the familiar surroundings, Hitsugaya allowed a sigh of relief. He was in his room. The moonlight served as the only source of light in the dark room. For once, Hitusgaya was glad he returned to reality. These few months have been tough and lonely, and falling into slumber and awakening to tears and pants hadn't been one of his most memorable experiences.

Hitsugaya sighed again. It wasn't a nightmare, it was reality. Yes, the once throbbing pain on his left arm that now turned numb was the reality check. The badly dressed wound he earned had a few blood stains on the material, but to Hitsugaya's relief, it had finally clogged and formed a large scab after several hours of constant bleeding. He might've released Hyorinmaru out of rage, in a very tactless manner, _might've, _but it wasn't his fault though. The damn man was getting on his nerves, and it wasn't the first time he threw a dirty remark about him and his lieutenant.

_Damn Matsumoto,_ Hitsugaya cursed inwardly._ Attracting attention even when you_ don't_ stir it up. _

Sighing, Hitsugaya slumped back onto his pillow. He was probably going to suffer the consequence of releasing his zanpakuto with Yamamoto tomorrow. With so many witnesses present, it was impossible to cover it up. At least that idiot would be going down with him. Hitsugaya definitely dreaded the next morning to come.

At his thoughts, a strong trace of Matsumoto's reiatsu appeared outside his home. And at _this_ hour. _That's strange_. Hitsugaya had so carefully hid his reiatsu. There was no way the woman could've known he was here. Her reiatsu was shaky and sparked at a random pace. Deciding not to take chances, Hitsugaya carefully stabilized his left arm before pushing himself off the bed.

-:-

Finally, Matsumoto had found herself outside her captain's personal quarters, the sake's burn still fiercely lingering in her throat.

After what felt like hours of mindless searching,_ drunk_, she had stopped countless times to ask a few passing shinigamis for routes (who were mostly drunk too, and therefore incapable of giving decent information), it was now that she finally reached her destination. It didn't help that Renji and Shuhei were out to catch her as well. Matsumoto thrashed the door with her fists, intending to knock, but had done so a lot harder than intended._ Oops._

Maybe gushing down each cup after another wasn't such a good idea. There was no time for that though; a million and one thoughts rammed through her mind as she stood there, inhaling the night's breeze. Not a million and one thoughts of possible reasons why Ichimaru Gin left her, it was now the possibilities of why _Hitsugaya Toshiro decided to be a dumbass._ Yes, he was a dumbass. Groaning, a hand shot up to her forehead as her hand came in contact with the light coat of sweat on her forehead. The sake definitely started kicking in.

Within seconds, the door opened, startling the slumping Matsumoto who leaned on the door while waiting. Her movements were sloppy and slow to react, consequently falling forward and into the house. Before her body made contact to the floor's surface, a hand shot up to stabilize her shoulders, pushing her back up to her feet. Matsumoto averted her icy blue gaze to the owner of the strong hand, the familiar scent of sandalwood flooding her nose pleasantly.

"Mm..." Matsumoto mumbled to herself as she regained her position, opening her cool blue eyes.

There stood Hitsugaya, his teal eyes widened, revealing the most beautiful large teal orbs the drunk lieutenant had ever seen. Sure, the woman had seen his eyes before, without a doubt. But she had never seen them so wide, so up close. The lieutenant continued her curious intent gaze at his eyes, almost as if searching for something. God knows what she looked like in a sober man's eyes. Only then had she realized that both eyes were perfectly large, almost unbelievable big when widened. What she didn't know was that his left eye was just slightly bigger than his right. _Ever_ so slightly. Matsumoto mentally giggled at how adorable it was, and how she hadn't noticed it earlier._ Oh, the things sake does to you! _She was definitely in a pleasant mood.

A husky deep voice dragged her out of her serene thoughts. Then, she realized who was standing before her. Her captain. One arm was hidden behind the darkness of the house, and the other was clamped on the handle of the door. Her mood darkened instantly, just before the husky voice spoke again.

_A thousand and one reasons why Hitsugaya Toshiro is a dumbass._

"Matsumoto..."

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